There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
