question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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