what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
