so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
