i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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