Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I didn't notice because vodka
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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