I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
