I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
