Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
