Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize