I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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