Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Someone came in the potted fern
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
