He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
