my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize