White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
