i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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