DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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