hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
