pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
