I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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