I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
