this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
