Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
