why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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