were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
