I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have fence marks all over my body
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
