I'm so fucking centered right now
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize