and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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