The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
