its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
