I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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