I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
