true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize