idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
