if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize