I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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