She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize