We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
