in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
