I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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