R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
