We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
