Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
