Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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