i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dicks are not precious.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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