feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
