Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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