Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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