Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
