She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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