I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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