It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
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