You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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