No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize