I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
