We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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