I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
