While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
