Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
