your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
