i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
you never un-have a 4some
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
