Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
