he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
