I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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