he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I want her autograph on my taint
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
