You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
